MARK'S STORY
THROUGH HIS JOURNAL
Feb 2nd
I woke up at 6:30am trying to figure a reason why I should
continue living. I look over at Jenny and Cory (my kids) and
then at our room in a homeless shelter, and wonder if their
life would be better without me.
But of course they woke up and said good morning
daddy, so I knew I had to make it another day. I
walked them to school and was glad Care Corps had a list of
things I had to do today to keep my mind off of everything
else. My first appointment today was to see the therapist,
Sarah. She is really starting to make me understand this
depression, but I just dont think I need to see a Dr. I
dont know why Maggie (my wife) had to die of cancer and
leave me here! I want to be with her. Sarah asked if I am
still using my journal. I told her yes but dont understand
the point of this dumb thing other than it keeps me busy.
I saw Tom, my old boss today, when I was out looking for a
new job. He asked if I was doing any better and if I gotten
any help yet. I told him I wasnt sure anything or anyone
could help. Tom told me again that I am not going to be able
to keep a job unless I let someone help me. I put in 6
applications today, but know I am going to break down in an
interview if they ask me why I havent been working the last
couple months. I just want to die and be with Maggie.
I went to a life skills class today on parenting. I have
got to get over this so I can be a better parent to Jenny and
Cory. I just dont know how I can do it without Maggie. I
talked to Jessica, the case manager, after parenting class and
she told me about some groups I can attend that might help me
get through this. She also made an appointment for me to see a
Dr. Maybe I am crazy.
March 16th
I felt ok when I woke up today. Sometimes I feel guilty about
feeling better and like its not fair to my wife Maggie for
me to feel better since she isnt here. I know she would
want me to being doing better. When I took Jenny and Cory to
school today, their counselor asked me who Jessica and Sarah
were. I reluctantly told them they were staff at Care Corps
and that we were living there. The counselor said that Jenny
told them that Jessica and Sarah were making her Dad happy
again and that they were feeling better too. I didnt
realize how much they could see that I was hurting.
I met with Sarah again today and told her what the
counselor at school said. I thanked Sarah for everything she
had done. I knew that Maggie dying would change my life, but I
had no idea that depression could ruin my life if I let it. I
hate to say it, but seeing the psychiatrist is helping me too.
I got a call back from the company I was really interested
in. They want me to come back for a second interview. This
could be a whole new start! I told Jessica about the great
apartment I found. When I get this job, we can move out. I
feel so much better. I think I would have died if it werent
for Care Corps.
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